I stare at the screen, then at the keyboard, at the screen, at the keyboard. I blink. My fingers curved over the keyboard to hit the letters. I try to think. I think. I think more. Thoughts form. Too many thoughts. A blank mind. A heavy mind. A war is going on. Too many wars.
Apple devices spoil you. They pamper you. It’s difficult typing on Microsoft word. Why do I have to fix every punctuation, and make every correction, I hate auto-correct. Ah! I miss auto-correct.
Something about the name Jesus. It is the sweetest name I know. Tears.
My life has been a turmoil. I don’t know where to start. Smile.
I miss this place. When I could rants, and laugh, and joke and tease.
Are you happy with yourself?
A wave of emotions hit me. I cry. I am crying.
I have grown so beautiful. I have been so busy. I have missed a lot on life. I have been hungry.
You are wondering where I’m going with these. Nowhere.
Sometimes, you just want to wrap things up, go back to your village and eat and fuck, and get fat. And smoke.
Without being a liability. Or useless. You feel me? No! you don’t. Maybe, you do.
Another wave of emotions.
I know. I know. I know.
Misery. Love. Fun. Money. Yes. Money. Fuck money. Oh! Forgive me. Sweet money. So much baggage with no one to share with. Too many lonely trips.
This is the life you gave me.
I miss you.
I’m fine darlings.