Friday, April 11, 2014

I know Oga.

Hello people.
Twitter has become the place I blog. I'm not so frequent there anymore but instead of sitting here and typing, which is the same thing done on twitter, I prefer plenty 140 words posted randomly.

Have you watched TERRIBLE BOSSES?

I should have been in that movie. I have an even worse scenario. Now is one of those times I prefer anonymity. One craze person could see this and go on to tell "oga" which actually I don't care. But then, I have enough office beef. Even spare to take home for my soup and I don't want "oga's" beef.

Sexual harassment. Favoritism. "I-know-oga" characters. Gossip. Envy. Yada. Yada.
You know when you condone something till you wake upset that you're condoning something you're scared to handle..... Number 1 and 2. That's it.

I love Igbo people but the ones I work with can make you loathe the whole Igbo tribe. I have wonderful Igbo friends. Online and in real life. My best friend, Chiamaka, who is also my editor, is Igbo.

But you meet some people and you can't help but notice their tribe. Because they make it obvious. That they are Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Ibibio, etc.

Number 3. The I-know-oga characters. This one drives me crazy.

Normal standard procedures. Some people just swing themselves into a place and want to intimidate you because they know Oga. You can't even say one word before they go off on how Oga is their brother, uncle, best friend, father, boyfriend, sugar daddy, lover, fucker and Yada Yada. At least I haven't heard husband yet.

I can handle the visitors. It's the staff that "know oga" that is my issue now. Some are just junior staff. You can't send them on an errand and they do it willingly. They grudge, get upset, frown, murmur, insult, slam their faces on the wall and eventually mess up what you instructed them to do because as oga's person, they shouldn't be bothered. I've raised the issue a thousand times. And the response is just what makes me keep saying "Igbo people" and shaking my head.

Please. I know anyone and I mean anyone from any tribe could exhibit these animalistic attitudes. Even my lovely people too. But I work with Igbo people. 99 percent. In fact, I'm the only person from Akwa Ibom in my work place. And I like some. Yet, some just spoils it. So, make person no come write another post with plenty grammar in an attempt to table my matter. Listen, I will deal with you.

So, let's continue.

Since "I don't know oga" I respect myself by doing my work, acting mean and harsh and unfriendly and also reminding everybody that I don't know Oga, the rich perv that is toasting me.

You know it's crazy when someone says "even if you earn 1 million, I know oga, he is my brother, we used to extract shit from each other's butt and compare the length of our dicks before the governor of so and so state, forget that he's wealthy now and I'm still struggling and managing, that's life for you." Noisy, loud, flimsy and totally annoying. And it hides my happiness. And turning me to a snob. Yes. I said snob.

As long as my cheque clears every 28. And the boo cracks a joke. And I get my deliveries from ASOS and OASAP and climb one more stilettos. Keep on fucking him. I don't care. Again. That's my way of handling terrible bosses.

There's free wifi. That's why I'm ranting. Plus it's few days to my birthday. Precisely Easter Sunday. And I feel elderly.

I love giveaways. I just don't know how to go about it. How I'll get to deliver it. I for do. And don't think I'm lazy. Maybe I am. But then, I've never bothered about these things.

I've been rocking burgundy color lipstick. Ruby Woo by Mac. I look very old. And I like it. I look 35. And I have straw curls on. I look big. But I love the look.

I'm listening to a song. Hold me for a while. I don't know the artist. And I miss the old me.

I wish you all the best in this beautiful life. Let love rain on you. And devour you. Completely.


Thursday, March 20, 2014

I miss you.


Hello my lovely family. I don't know where to start but I want you know that I miss you all. It's been months of silence, work, twitter and life.

Myne,Didi, Ebila, who I actually didn't miss and the rest.

Thing is, I have lots of blogs on my reading list that haven't posted anything in years. But I read every blogspot just that I don't drop comments and other stuff like that. Atilola, I read your blog regularly.

Prism too. HD, the, I don't even know what eccentric name to call her.

Been writing, working, living and busy. I have loads of stuff I'll love to post and I'll post them as soon as I can. It's been pretty crazy with your girl. But in all I'm growing and that's the happy thing.

This post was just to tell those that care to know or read this blog that I miss them and I'm still here. And I'm back to blogging as frequently as possible and better things sef.

I've been "wanting" to let this out in ages.

I finished my therapy classes for depression. Lol. I had to pretend a lot to finish those classes and I want to say I'm grateful to all those that were there for me. I am fine. Very fine. I thought of taking on a new habit. Maybe, smoking, or drinking, or partying, or cooking, or gardening, or dancing, or cycling, or exercise, or writing. None worked. Well, I got lots of suggestions, good and bad so don't look at me like that.

What I settled for is quite a handful and very embarrassing, so, I won't say it. But subsequently, if you're interested or you care enough to check, you will know. Till then.....

I love you like XO.

In other news, I want to thank God for food. You won't understand this if you see it with that shallow mind and that doesn't mean you're shallow. But, I've come a long way and I'm happy to say that having food to eat is a privilege.

Good day.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Is kissing Sin?

Hallo people. 
Too soon to return abi? I told you I have repented. 
To the issue. I know I said I'd post a story. It's ready but if only Toin and honey dame would let me post it. These two ladies will not spoil me. Toin has done me something. I don't even know what to say. Honey dame has made me Caro when I am Ada Ada. What's to say?
I had an interesting argument with my friend,Smaila, yesterday. About kissing in a relationship. Well, dude is go the opinion that it's a pre cursor to sex and it's still fornication. He said you should only kiss someone you're married to. And the first time should be when the reverend says "now,you may kiss the bride". Kissing is intimate and we shouldn't indulge in it if we are not partners forever. In fact, pecks should be extremely limited as it would lead to kissing then to smooching bla bla bla. To sum his own up, don't kiss if you're not married. 
I don't need to tell you what my points were. Una no say I be former serial kisser and I didn't agree. He backed it al up with some biblical examples but as I no be pastor I didn't still agree. I mean, I'm in a relationship with a guy and we don't kiss, TBH, I will boss you around like I'm the guy and I'm really sorry I would kiss the next guy. Most dudes think I'm too bossy, I honestly feel girly and softer when I'm kissed. If we don't kiss we can't do other silly fun stuff like makes faces in pictures, stick out tongues, run around, gobble food and stuff because the only informal thing wey we for do,kiss, you have said it will lead to fornication and it's a sin. 
I even said the relationship won't last and that the girl won't be happy. He said he rather obeys God than sin. Na kiss we talk o. Not sex. I don't even subscribe to pre-marital sex. That is the posh word for fornication make e no dey like say una dey sin. I am #teamcelibate till marriage and it's for a whole lots of other reason than condemning those that have sex so no look me and start to say miss goody-two-shoes. Whatever that means. 
So, what do you guys think?
In other news, Tamie, I love you too. Toin, you can die now. Xxx.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Hello! loooooong time. i say this everytime abi. but now I have repented. It's twitter and their demons o!
Update: Toinlicious has matchmaked me with every boy she sees me tweet at. i need deliverance from this girl. i want to kill her before death does it and yesterday she told me she loves me,my heart just melted. I melted.
Honeydame O! this one case na another level. And the most painful part is they eat akara

@9jasgret aka Ebila. Lol. this one asked me for birthday gift! as i couldnt give he asked for something else. thats for another day.

Okay,I met this great,handsome,sweet,amicable,angelic,quiet,unassuming,all forms of sexy dude. Toin,stop swallowing saliva abeg. this one is not in your league. He is very intelligent. if Gretel says it,then it's so. Toin,again,close your mouth. This is not akara

the Adonis (Toin,may not know this one) wrote this for me. its a great one. Enjoy.

Imagination and Research.
Have you ever wondered why its the Heart that suffers every time the Mind(Head) thinks too much?
Ever wondered why they say love(we love with our hearts,don't we?)is blind?
Its because there's a constant struggle between the Heart and the Mind.
Imagination. It sprouts from the mind but its the heart,though often weak,that helps in bringing imaginations to fruition.
The next question that readily comes to mind is "why aren't the bulk of my imagination brought to reality?". Well,its mostly because a lot of us haven't mastered the art and craft of making both our Hearts and Minds interdependent on one another.
The Heart is blind,the Mind is its walking stick hence the expression "Love is blind" because,the Heart will nine times out of ten go against the Head and love who and whatever it dims fit;it throws away its walking stick like a man who just had his sight restored by a new generation,Armani suit wearing,miracle working pastor.
OK before I digress any further than I already have,here's my point;if your Imaginations aren't wide and wild enough that it scares the crap out of your Heart then you aren't THINKING BIG! You have got to stretch your mind beyond its elastic limit to the point where your Heart knows better than to doubt and disbelieve your Imaginations.
Search through the corners and crannies of your Mind like an NYPD detective looking through every street in New York's five boroughs to track down a drug cartel or like an Amnesia- stricken old man,looking everywhere around his house for where he left his glasses whereas he's got them hanging on his head;in your Head lies answers to all you may ever need,reach for it.
You don't wanna make your Heart suffer an attack or a cardiac arrest every time your Head works(worries/thinks) too much,do you? Then put your Heart where you Mind is,let them partner together to produce and achieve results that would have a huge effect(positive or as the case may be) on yourself and a large number of people(let's say British American Tobacco and its effect on people).
Research. Every time you feel as though you have ransacked your Head to no avail then you have got to SEARCH AGAIN;Re-Search!
Research through your Mind until you find what it is your heart yearns for,also research through the works and products of other people's Minds to help you find and discover what you desire.
There will always be that huge chasm somewhere in your heart that only your Imaginations when brought to fruition,can fill.
The Mind is God's biggest gift to man,cherish and fill it with Imaginations that are profitable and also re-search through it to ensure that it is in accordance with nearly everything that science and Research have proven that the human mind can achieve.

Whew! Xxx. Toin for don sleep by now.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Don't Read This.

Hello beautiful people, I have missed you guys like a fat kid misses cake. I actually logged in to shut down this blog but I read some of my posts and I imagined a world without Myne,Toin,HoneyDame,Ginger,Didi,Priscy,Sugarcoated,ermmmm,9jasgreat,Dayor,MsJB,Aloted, okkkk, I'm exaggerating but I thought of all of you and I said to myself or maybe it's the Holy Ghost that said to me "daughter,Hold on,I'll give you the "grace". A lot has been happening with me. It's now I'm understanding naija o. But it's also now I've understood God more. Some of you know my personal drama and some of you also know how God has been a succor. I don't want to say too much o. Just to say I miss you guys. I have a story or two for  those that read my blog, trust me, its cool. It's a bit sexual as I've realised that my theoretical knowledge of sex is wowza. "covers face". So, I did a sexual one, not too filthy but unbelievably from my innocent brain. I also did a poem. A personal one. I know you're saying only a story and a poem after all this while? I have been working on my book and it's a great stress. Research,reserach,research. I have till April 2014 to make it ready for publishing. I thought I would be able to post excerpts up here but I feel the opinions may not make a difference but I will. Just to know. I'll put up the story soon and all that. I have lots to hype about but Seun, my love would say, too much action fir one person. Ifono. I have a new friend. No, let me not talk about it. And I have loads of video of me twerking. Yes,I am proud to announce to ALL of you that I can twerk. #twerkit. Deal with that. God didn't give me all this b**ty for nothing. Okay, I'm stopping here. I love all of you. Just like that, I do. Didi, when last did you hear my voice? You're in trouble with bye

Friday, May 3, 2013

Hi keekdolls “in Kim K’s voice”. I’m at Iguaca falls with my friends *pouts*, it’s so swell here I hope the world ends! The crab here rocks so tey Kemi had to *steal* some into her purse “RME”. Who does that? I think I spotted Channing Tatum and Idris Elba, I think I just defined orgasm. “blinking lashes’’. Kemi don come get Chinco bobo, me I’m here forming sophisticated. Sophisticated doesn’t buy data bundle, crab or Peruvian hair, if I –‘’
36 seconds over. Brah.
Other than the heart break Barca gave me yesterday, I’m fine. So fine, I knack my head on the wall uncountable times. I’m still Team Barcelona sha.
@Toinlicious and @Coyintrovert, these two waddup waddup gangsters dey craze sha. Toin will form bis geh and Coy oyibo my bum, they will be stroking Gretel, when I get my special pepper spray, I’m mixing it in Toin”s cream and Coy’s pap. Yes, she eats pap. Gross!
Erm! I’m tempted to mention that hair nazi that mentioned me in her blog but I won’t, there’s no space for lazy oldies on here. Too much energy.
So, I’ve been on and about chics I’ve kissed. I AM NOT A LESBIAN. Before one mbgeke will come and talk about mixed personality. I will take my time and handle you. Like I said earlier, girls are better kissers. They are sentimental and passionate and they are not rushing to go further. Just kiss. So…!
First time I kissed a girl was at my 200 level in Uni, was in the library and this hoochie walks in, walks up to me and plants a kiss on my lips. Shock no gree make I shout. Next thing she started apologizing, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ve just really always wanted to do that”. I can’t forget it oh. There and then I knew I had lips worth kissing.
Valentine’s day, I sat out with loads of friends at a beach and we did ‘’truth and dare’’. You know you spoil the fun when you resist or you’re out. I chose “dare’’. I heard stuff my friends asked those that chose “truth’’ and I thought I was sharp. Before this people will ask me if I shave my pubic hair and I will go sick.
That’s how the lead questionnaire *may God forgive him* said ‘’Kiss IT or drop into the swimming pool with all your dress and accessories”. I was weak. And I was so so dressed. I started begging oh. Please let me pay money, any amount. My guy said 50k. Ewu Gambia. 50k because I won’t kiss a girl. Anyways we kissed.
This episode has happened twice or so and that thing they say every girl has a lesbian tendency is a huge fallacy. Trust me, it is. People even speculated that we enjoyed the kiss so much we would make out later, Bleh!
Another episode oh, I went to see my friend, Debby. That’s how her pervert brother started talking about how he likes seeing girls kiss. These gists are always really awkward but we kept at it. Next thing, Debby asked him, so if you see two girls kiss now, what will you do? O MA GA O! The guy provoke. The offer was so enticing, I rushed to Debby. We had a long laugh but I had what I wanted.
Miss K, my dear friend don lick essential balm kiss me. The kind hot slap she received spoilt the fun. We were both crying.
Then…. I’ve kissed my good friend. I don’t have bestie. I really wanted her to know how much she meant to me. I regret it till today. The girl has used it to label me and attack me like mad. She was so shocked she didn’t sleep. Then she told me, no wonder guys won’t leave your mouth. Hehe. Na god, shey.
It has finished.
For all it’s worth, let peace reign. I love you guys too much. Esp, my “le boo” Didi. YIMU. LOL.

Saturday, March 30, 2013


Happy Easter everyone.

I've been ill but getting okay.

Didi gave me this award. Thank you Didi,you like to be awarding me anyhow.

He asked some one kind question like that! Rme.
1) Didi, did this your question come from Questionnaire on twitter?
2) Swimming isn't for figure,its for longevity, what lives longer than the whale? Get your facts jor. :p
3) Drs leave when you change to make you know that they respect your privacy. Its a ritual.
4) They wake up to eat or because they are uncomfortable, you that even if legions of mosquitoes bite you,you no go wake,you be baby?
5) Watch 3 Idiots.

Didi, don't ever compare your troubles to mine, you hear!
I'm passing the award to the following.
Yellow SiSi Unspoken.
And whoever is interested.
Just one question! Money or Love?