Sunday, December 2, 2012


I stared at the white and brown ceilings above my head. the halogen bulb kept blinking in slow successions and some tiny insects danced around it.

"waap" one fell on my arm. I slapped it and hissed. I switched off the light.

Janet snored gently. I liked the sound. It reminds me of me. The fan went gently and gave a hum of a popular chorus. I hummed along, smiling. Tears trickled down the sides of me eyes as I hummed. Tears of..... I don't know.

I was 9 years old, I peed on my bed, someone slapped me and slapped again, then dragged me outside. "Stupid child who still messes the bed at your age?" More slaps. I woke up, it was dark couldn't see who. I slept on the balcony.

I was 12 years old. Cousin came for weekend and saturday night as I showered, he peeped from the window. Later he came to my room naked. I screamed and he ran out. I was denied food for 2 days for lying on him.

I was 16!!!! I was suspended from school for having a phone, insulting a teacher and having love letters. I was sent to my Grandma's house (not in a village). That suspension gave me my best friend. Grandma!!! 3 weeks of love, play, harmony and understanding. I never wanted to go.

I was 17. My best friend died, Grandma.

I was 19. I was evil.

I was twenty one... I wanted another best friend.

I am 22, I've found none.

I am.... "hey hey..." Janet shook me, why are you singing and crying?

I opened my eyes, 3 pairs of eyes stared curiously into my face.

"was I loud?'' I asked calmy.
"hmmmm.... you were screaming, do you ever sleep at all?"

I heaved. I will never sleep at night. I have chronic insomnia and something in my mind was making things hard. I know what it is and I won't say it. The doctor has done her job.