tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80031558741290538192024-03-13T17:12:28.537-07:00PREMONITION OF THE PASTgretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-32498400934894347042015-06-25T04:12:00.000-07:002015-06-25T04:12:19.605-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">G.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Amy.</span></div>
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gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-40782576392222084972014-05-16T10:49:00.000-07:002014-05-16T10:49:33.316-07:00Happy weekend. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Happy weekend to all of you. I'm exceptionally excited about this weekend. Love is on the way. <br />
<br />
Get busy. <br />
<br />
G.</div>
gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-74363902978652184652014-05-06T09:20:00.000-07:002014-05-06T09:20:35.164-07:00Random. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sqKHbKvyMUE/U2kIPgVSSTI/AAAAAAAAAO4/yZXd633laOg/s1600/e1d8fed5-cbd8-48c2-93e0-3cb48d9bc8bc" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sqKHbKvyMUE/U2kIPgVSSTI/AAAAAAAAAO4/yZXd633laOg/s320/e1d8fed5-cbd8-48c2-93e0-3cb48d9bc8bc" /></a></div>Hello people.<br />
<br />
Amidst everything.....Boko Haram, abducted school girls, bomb explosions everywhere, terrible road accidents, heart breaks, bad roads, auctioning of virginities....Yada Yada Yada, THERE IS GOD O!!!!!<br />
<br />
No, I'm not ridiculing or mocking anyone. I feel that woman's pain a lot more than some people that tend to be hauling accusations and all that. But I think I felt a deep sense of understanding when she said "THERE IS GOD O". That sentence says a lot. There is God.<br />
<br />
I pray for Nigeria everyday but I get very passive about a lot of things these days. Pardon me. But I'm sure a lot of us are in these shoes. And to me those girls weren't kidnapped.<br />
<br />
Onto other things.<br />
<br />
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Ebila the great a.k.a @9jasgreat got married. A big hearty congratulations to my Ebila. We had plans. Hot hot plans. That is hot and steamy plans. Hot and steamy online plans. He can kill me if he sees this but well he's at honeymoon banging his wife "legally". Lmao. Ekpedemulo. You know I wish you every fabulous thing ever, you deceitful son of a bitch. Hey, you're married o. No do like T&T and reply every hater. Well, I'm not hating. Just pissed. Have a blissful marriage. If you ever consider adultery......never mind, you missed this auction.<br />
<br />
Onto other things. I've moved on from Ebila. Nasty heartbreaker. Yes, I'm pained. In Drake's voice, motherfucker never loved me. LOL.<br />
<br />
Guess who had a fabulous birthday.......GRETEL. 20th April. Easter Sunday.<br />
I had to go to Uyo, so I could braid my hair at my house comfortably and not have to write a cheque like I'd do here.<br />
I had fun. Church was boring. And after church was the rest.<br />
<br />
I received the first kiss from HIM. Like after that every sentence was accompanied by a kiss. And my mouth has been without a "kiss". For. A. While. LOL.<br />
<br />
I thought that was over until I got back to work. I think this is the birthday I've had lots of EXPENSIVE gifts. Not those ones I get pork meat, akara and chicken suya with GL necklace bought from ASOS and aliexpress for 99 cents. And lots of BBM updates and too much beeps.<br />
<br />
I should do a photo blog post of my birthday gifts. Do you know that I love "hello kitty"? Hm. I love Hello Kitty. I got bathroom covers and pots. Yes. Hello kitty pots. See, I cried.<br />
<br />
Gucci Guilty. Jewel studded handbag. S5. A Karen Millen dress. And hair.<br />
<br />
God answered my prayers. I had no Michael Kors. No. I don't hate it. One more MK and I'll choke. And puke.<br />
I had two cakes. One was a gift from an ex-somebody. The other, a red velvet cake, with "Amy Sucre for PDP" written boldly on top, for my colleagues. Politics is my future.<br />
<br />
HIS brother did a night birthday photoshoot for me. Where I was all natural and shy and silly and crying. I can't wait to see the pictures.<br />
<br />
I disappointed everyone concerning my book launch. I really felt sad and defeated. But HE encouraged me and my mummy and daddy forgave me. Despite all they had put into it.<br />
<br />
And He.<br />
<br />
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Sometimes, I wish I had prayed for a tall, fair, handsome, rich, sexy, drop dead gorgeous, humorous, extremely romantic boyfriend. Or Channing Tatum, or. Eminem, or Hemsworth or Michael Jackson. No, I didn't.<br />
<br />
I prayed for Peace and Happiness. Because I know the hell I've been through in my young life and RR and sexy didn't count as peace.<br />
<br />
And God answered.<br />
<br />
Short, dark, handsome, comfortable, nice voice, not gorgeous, little humor( trust me, I know what I'm going through), just learning romance, extremely busy, WAS extremely formal, teachable boyfriend.<br />
<br />
But the perfect definition of Peace and Happiness. Trust me, it wouldn't have been better.<br />
<br />
I've had to teach him a lot. Gosh, a lot. But in 4 months, I haven't gone to bed upset, sad, bitter at myself or Nigeria, or angry. Now, who else doesn't go to bed angry if not Gretel? He made it a policy. We won't sleep angry.<br />
<br />
Dude never sings in church or anywhere. Even in his bedroom. But he'll record himself singing XO by. Beyoncé and send to me. Silly faces. Let's not go there. He had a permanent fixed smile. Then I came along.<br />
<br />
He does not send SMS first thing in the morning and last thing at night. But google ASOS deliveries and I'm sure my signature will pop up first five. Lol.<br />
<br />
We may not end up together but I thank God for HIM. I've changed a bit. And if we end up together you all have known a different Gretel. I can say its a nice time of my life. But, I don't want to jinx it. There I go.<br />
<br />
Onto other things.<br />
<br />
Didi, next time you tell me you flying in a jet to propose to me, I will fly to GH and castrate you. Love.<br />
Happy life Ebila.<br />
<br />
Let love consume you. And devour you.<br />
<br />
G.<br />
<br />
P.S. Please I can't post photos from my android device in here. Help.gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-3736119165963227292014-04-11T05:42:00.000-07:002014-04-11T05:42:10.883-07:00I know Oga. <b></b><br />
<br />
Hello people. <br />
Twitter has become the place I blog. I'm not so frequent there anymore but instead of sitting here and typing, which is the same thing done on twitter, I prefer plenty 140 words posted randomly. <br />
<br />
Have you watched TERRIBLE BOSSES?<br />
<br />
I should have been in that movie. I have an even worse scenario. Now is one of those times I prefer anonymity. One craze person could see this and go on to tell "oga" which actually I don't care. But then, I have enough office beef. Even spare to take home for my soup and I don't want "oga's" beef. <br />
<br />
So. <br />
Sexual harassment. Favoritism. "I-know-oga" characters. Gossip. Envy. Yada. Yada. <br />
You know when you condone something till you wake upset that you're condoning something you're scared to handle..... Number 1 and 2. That's it. <br />
<br />
I love Igbo people but the ones I work with can make you loathe the whole Igbo tribe. I have wonderful Igbo friends. Online and in real life. My best friend, Chiamaka, who is also my editor, is Igbo. <br />
<br />
But you meet some people and you can't help but notice their tribe. Because they make it obvious. That they are Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Ibibio, etc. <br />
<br />
Number 3. The I-know-oga characters. This one drives me crazy. <br />
<br />
<br />
Normal standard procedures. Some people just swing themselves into a place and want to intimidate you because they know Oga. You can't even say one word before they go off on how Oga is their brother, uncle, best friend, father, boyfriend, sugar daddy, lover, fucker and Yada Yada. At least I haven't heard husband yet. <br />
<br />
I can handle the visitors. It's the staff that "know oga" that is my issue now. Some are just junior staff. You can't send them on an errand and they do it willingly. They grudge, get upset, frown, murmur, insult, slam their faces on the wall and eventually mess up what you instructed them to do because as oga's person, they shouldn't be bothered. I've raised the issue a thousand times. And the response is just what makes me keep saying "Igbo people" and shaking my head. <br />
<br />
<br />
Please. I know anyone and I mean anyone from any tribe could exhibit these animalistic attitudes. Even my lovely people too. But I work with Igbo people. 99 percent. In fact, I'm the only person from Akwa Ibom in my work place. And I like some. Yet, some just spoils it. So, make person no come write another post with plenty grammar in an attempt to table my matter. Listen, I will deal with you. <br />
<br />
So, let's continue. <br />
<br />
Since "I don't know oga" I respect myself by doing my work, acting mean and harsh and unfriendly and also reminding everybody that I don't know Oga, the rich perv that is toasting me. <br />
<br />
You know it's crazy when someone says "even if you earn 1 million, I know oga, he is my brother, we used to extract shit from each other's butt and compare the length of our dicks before the governor of so and so state, forget that he's wealthy now and I'm still struggling and managing, that's life for you." Noisy, loud, flimsy and totally annoying. And it hides my happiness. And turning me to a snob. Yes. I said snob. <br />
<br />
As long as my cheque clears every 28. And the boo cracks a joke. And I get my deliveries from ASOS and OASAP and climb one more stilettos. Keep on fucking him. I don't care. Again. That's my way of handling terrible bosses. <br />
<br />
There's free wifi. That's why I'm ranting. Plus it's few days to my birthday. Precisely Easter Sunday. And I feel elderly. <br />
<br />
I love giveaways. I just don't know how to go about it. How I'll get to deliver it. I for do. And don't think I'm lazy. Maybe I am. But then, I've never bothered about these things. <br />
<br />
I've been rocking burgundy color lipstick. Ruby Woo by Mac. I look very old. And I like it. I look 35. And I have straw curls on. I look big. But I love the look. <br />
<br />
I'm listening to a song. Hold me for a while. I don't know the artist. And I miss the old me. <br />
<br />
I wish you all the best in this beautiful life. Let love rain on you. And devour you. Completely. <br />
<br />
G.gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-16799577922962315522014-03-20T09:39:00.000-07:002014-03-20T09:39:19.747-07:00I miss you.Greetings. <br />
<br />
Hello my lovely family. I don't know where to start but I want you know that I miss you all. It's been months of silence, work, twitter and life. <br />
<br />
Myne,Didi, Ebila, who I actually didn't miss and the rest. <br />
<br />
Thing is, I have lots of blogs on my reading list that haven't posted anything in years. But I read every blogspot just that I don't drop comments and other stuff like that. Atilola, I read your blog regularly. <br />
<br />
Prism too. HD, the, I don't even know what eccentric name to call her. <br />
<br />
<br />
Been writing, working, living and busy. I have loads of stuff I'll love to post and I'll post them as soon as I can. It's been pretty crazy with your girl. But in all I'm growing and that's the happy thing.<br />
<br />
<br />
This post was just to tell those that care to know or read this blog that I miss them and I'm still here. And I'm back to blogging as frequently as possible and better things sef. <br />
<br />
<br />
I've been "wanting" to let this out in ages. <br />
<br />
I finished my therapy classes for depression. Lol. I had to pretend a lot to finish those classes and I want to say I'm grateful to all those that were there for me. I am fine. Very fine. I thought of taking on a new habit. Maybe, smoking, or drinking, or partying, or cooking, or gardening, or dancing, or cycling, or exercise, or writing. None worked. Well, I got lots of suggestions, good and bad so don't look at me like that. <br />
<br />
What I settled for is quite a handful and very embarrassing, so, I won't say it. But subsequently, if you're interested or you care enough to check, you will know. Till then.....<br />
<br />
I love you like XO.<br />
<br />
In other news, I want to thank God for food. You won't understand this if you see it with that shallow mind and that doesn't mean you're shallow. But, I've come a long way and I'm happy to say that having food to eat is a privilege. <br />
<br />
Good day. gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-35889911577998654362013-11-13T04:16:00.000-08:002013-11-13T04:16:18.244-08:00Is kissing Sin?Hallo people. <br />
Too soon to return abi? I told you I have repented. <br />
To the issue. I know I said I'd post a story. It's ready but if only Toin and honey dame would let me post it. These two ladies will not spoil me. Toin has done me something. I don't even know what to say. Honey dame has made me Caro when I am Ada Ada. What's to say?<br />
I had an interesting argument with my friend,Smaila, yesterday. About kissing in a relationship. Well, dude is go the opinion that it's a pre cursor to sex and it's still fornication. He said you should only kiss someone you're married to. And the first time should be when the reverend says "now,you may kiss the bride". Kissing is intimate and we shouldn't indulge in it if we are not partners forever. In fact, pecks should be extremely limited as it would lead to kissing then to smooching bla bla bla. To sum his own up, don't kiss if you're not married. <br />
I don't need to tell you what my points were. Una no say I be former serial kisser and I didn't agree. He backed it al up with some biblical examples but as I no be pastor I didn't still agree. I mean, I'm in a relationship with a guy and we don't kiss, TBH, I will boss you around like I'm the guy and I'm really sorry I would kiss the next guy. Most dudes think I'm too bossy, I honestly feel girly and softer when I'm kissed. If we don't kiss we can't do other silly fun stuff like makes faces in pictures, stick out tongues, run around, gobble food and stuff because the only informal thing wey we for do,kiss, you have said it will lead to fornication and it's a sin. <br />
I even said the relationship won't last and that the girl won't be happy. He said he rather obeys God than sin. Na kiss we talk o. Not sex. I don't even subscribe to pre-marital sex. That is the posh word for fornication make e no dey like say una dey sin. I am #teamcelibate till marriage and it's for a whole lots of other reason than condemning those that have sex so no look me and start to say miss goody-two-shoes. Whatever that means. <br />
So, what do you guys think?<br />
In other news, Tamie, I love you too. Toin, you can die now. Xxx.</b></b>gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-55769327061393806942013-11-05T05:06:00.003-08:002013-11-05T05:06:39.968-08:00Hello! loooooong time. i say this everytime abi. but now I have repented. It's twitter and their demons o! <br />
Update: Toinlicious has matchmaked me with every boy she sees me tweet at. i need deliverance from this girl. i want to kill her before death does it and yesterday she told me she loves me,my heart just melted. I melted. <br />
Honeydame O! this one case na another level. And the most painful part is they eat akara <br />
P.S. I HATE AKARA WITH A PASSION.<br />
<br />
@9jasgret aka Ebila. Lol. this one asked me for birthday gift! as i couldnt give he asked for something else. thats for another day. <br />
<br />
Okay,I met this great,handsome,sweet,amicable,angelic,quiet,unassuming,all forms of sexy dude. Toin,stop swallowing saliva abeg. this one is not in your league. He is very intelligent. if Gretel says it,then it's so. Toin,again,close your mouth. This is not akara <br />
<br />
the Adonis (Toin,may not know this one) wrote this for me. its a great one. Enjoy.<br />
<br />
Imagination and Research.<br />
Have you ever wondered why its the Heart that suffers every time the Mind(Head) thinks too much?<br />
Ever wondered why they say love(we love with our hearts,don't we?)is blind?<br />
Its because there's a constant struggle between the Heart and the Mind.<br />
Imagination. It sprouts from the mind but its the heart,though often weak,that helps in bringing imaginations to fruition.<br />
The next question that readily comes to mind is "why aren't the bulk of my imagination brought to reality?". Well,its mostly because a lot of us haven't mastered the art and craft of making both our Hearts and Minds interdependent on one another.<br />
The Heart is blind,the Mind is its walking stick hence the expression "Love is blind" because,the Heart will nine times out of ten go against the Head and love who and whatever it dims fit;it throws away its walking stick like a man who just had his sight restored by a new generation,Armani suit wearing,miracle working pastor.<br />
OK before I digress any further than I already have,here's my point;if your Imaginations aren't wide and wild enough that it scares the crap out of your Heart then you aren't THINKING BIG! You have got to stretch your mind beyond its elastic limit to the point where your Heart knows better than to doubt and disbelieve your Imaginations.<br />
Search through the corners and crannies of your Mind like an NYPD detective looking through every street in New York's five boroughs to track down a drug cartel or like an Amnesia- stricken old man,looking everywhere around his house for where he left his glasses whereas he's got them hanging on his head;in your Head lies answers to all you may ever need,reach for it.<br />
You don't wanna make your Heart suffer an attack or a cardiac arrest every time your Head works(worries/thinks) too much,do you? Then put your Heart where you Mind is,let them partner together to produce and achieve results that would have a huge effect(positive or as the case may be) on yourself and a large number of people(let's say British American Tobacco and its effect on people).<br />
Research. Every time you feel as though you have ransacked your Head to no avail then you have got to SEARCH AGAIN;Re-Search!<br />
Research through your Mind until you find what it is your heart yearns for,also research through the works and products of other people's Minds to help you find and discover what you desire.<br />
There will always be that huge chasm somewhere in your heart that only your Imaginations when brought to fruition,can fill. <br />
The Mind is God's biggest gift to man,cherish and fill it with Imaginations that are profitable and also re-search through it to ensure that it is in accordance with nearly everything that science and Research have proven that the human mind can achieve.<br />
<br />
Whew! Xxx. Toin for don sleep by now.<br />
<br />
gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-31377195460749797362013-09-23T10:18:00.001-07:002013-09-23T10:18:03.549-07:00Don't Read This.Hello beautiful people, I have missed you guys like a fat kid misses cake. I actually logged in to shut down this blog but I read some of my posts and I imagined a world without Myne,Toin,HoneyDame,Ginger,Didi,Priscy,Sugarcoated,ermmmm,9jasgreat,Dayor,MsJB,Aloted, okkkk, I'm exaggerating but I thought of all of you and I said to myself or maybe it's the Holy Ghost that said to me "daughter,Hold on,I'll give you the "grace". A lot has been happening with me. It's now I'm understanding naija o. But it's also now I've understood God more. Some of you know my personal drama and some of you also know how God has been a succor. I don't want to say too much o. Just to say I miss you guys. I have a story or two for those that read my blog, trust me, its cool. It's a bit sexual as I've realised that my theoretical knowledge of sex is wowza. "covers face". So, I did a sexual one, not too filthy but unbelievably from my innocent brain. I also did a poem. A personal one. I know you're saying only a story and a poem after all this while? I have been working on my book and it's a great stress. Research,reserach,research. I have till April 2014 to make it ready for publishing. I thought I would be able to post excerpts up here but I feel the opinions may not make a difference but I will. Just to know. I'll put up the story soon and all that. I have lots to hype about but Seun, my love would say, too much action fir one person. Ifono. I have a new friend. No, let me not talk about it. And I have loads of video of me twerking. Yes,I am proud to announce to ALL of you that I can twerk. #twerkit. Deal with that. God didn't give me all this b**ty for nothing. Okay, I'm stopping here. I love all of you. Just like that, I do. Didi, when last did you hear my voice? You're in trouble with me.xxx byegretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-16454527547715388482013-05-03T07:39:00.003-07:002013-05-03T07:41:27.445-07:00Hi keekdolls “in Kim K’s voice”. I’m at Iguaca falls with my friends *pouts*, it’s so swell here I hope the world ends! The crab here rocks so tey Kemi had to *steal* some into her purse “RME”. Who does that? I think I spotted Channing Tatum and Idris Elba, I think I just defined orgasm. “blinking lashes’’. Kemi don come get Chinco bobo, me I’m here forming sophisticated. Sophisticated doesn’t buy data bundle, crab or Peruvian hair, if I –‘’<br />
36 seconds over. Brah.<br />
Other than the heart break Barca gave me yesterday, I’m fine. So fine, I knack my head on the wall uncountable times. I’m still Team Barcelona sha.<br />
@Toinlicious and @Coyintrovert, these two waddup waddup gangsters dey craze sha. Toin will form bis geh and Coy oyibo my bum, they will be stroking Gretel, when I get my special pepper spray, I’m mixing it in Toin”s cream and Coy’s pap. Yes, she eats pap. Gross!<br />
Erm! I’m tempted to mention that hair nazi that mentioned me in her blog but I won’t, there’s no space for lazy oldies on here. Too much energy.<br />
So, I’ve been on and about chics I’ve kissed. I AM NOT A LESBIAN. Before one mbgeke will come and talk about mixed personality. I will take my time and handle you. Like I said earlier, girls are better kissers. They are sentimental and passionate and they are not rushing to go further. Just kiss. So…!<br />
First time I kissed a girl was at my 200 level in Uni, was in the library and this hoochie walks in, walks up to me and plants a kiss on my lips. Shock no gree make I shout. Next thing she started apologizing, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ve just really always wanted to do that”. I can’t forget it oh. There and then I knew I had lips worth kissing.<br />
Valentine’s day, I sat out with loads of friends at a beach and we did ‘’truth and dare’’. You know you spoil the fun when you resist or you’re out. I chose “dare’’. I heard stuff my friends asked those that chose “truth’’ and I thought I was sharp. Before this people will ask me if I shave my pubic hair and I will go sick.<br />
That’s how the lead questionnaire *may God forgive him* said ‘’Kiss IT or drop into the swimming pool with all your dress and accessories”. I was weak. And I was so so dressed. I started begging oh. Please let me pay money, any amount. My guy said 50k. Ewu Gambia. 50k because I won’t kiss a girl. Anyways we kissed. <br />
This episode has happened twice or so and that thing they say every girl has a lesbian tendency is a huge fallacy. Trust me, it is. People even speculated that we enjoyed the kiss so much we would make out later, Bleh!<br />
Another episode oh, I went to see my friend, Debby. That’s how her pervert brother started talking about how he likes seeing girls kiss. These gists are always really awkward but we kept at it. Next thing, Debby asked him, so if you see two girls kiss now, what will you do? O MA GA O! The guy provoke. The offer was so enticing, I rushed to Debby. We had a long laugh but I had what I wanted.<br />
Miss K, my dear friend don lick essential balm kiss me. The kind hot slap she received spoilt the fun. We were both crying.<br />
Then…. I’ve kissed my good friend. I don’t have bestie. I really wanted her to know how much she meant to me. I regret it till today. The girl has used it to label me and attack me like mad. She was so shocked she didn’t sleep. Then she told me, no wonder guys won’t leave your mouth. Hehe. Na god, shey.<br />
It has finished.<br />
For all it’s worth, let peace reign. I love you guys too much. Esp, my “le boo” Didi. YIMU. LOL.gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-40618615558491649512013-03-30T03:33:00.000-07:002013-03-30T03:33:57.831-07:00LIEBSTER AWARD<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnmjkXvU-dLVJoU54_IOShul-Cn0EPRkHr71Uwz9CV_5Kfg-_2xNBp8R6swEgeUXotJP63NbqIHYslq2gglpBa5v6hS6SqUBEE_KeddsbSFiPssM-Uil1IugfGwNxhg7ETcm6tK_2AYKc/s1600/Liebster-award-ribbon.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnmjkXvU-dLVJoU54_IOShul-Cn0EPRkHr71Uwz9CV_5Kfg-_2xNBp8R6swEgeUXotJP63NbqIHYslq2gglpBa5v6hS6SqUBEE_KeddsbSFiPssM-Uil1IugfGwNxhg7ETcm6tK_2AYKc/s320/Liebster-award-ribbon.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Happy Easter everyone.<br />
<br />
I've been ill but getting okay.<br />
<br />
Didi gave me this award. Thank you Didi,you like to be awarding me anyhow. <br />
http://http://didis-view.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1<br />
:*. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
He asked some one kind question like that! Rme.<br />
Answers.<br />
1) Didi, did this your question come from Questionnaire on twitter?<br />
2) Swimming isn't for figure,its for longevity, what lives longer than the whale? Get your facts jor. :p<br />
3) Drs leave when you change to make you know that they respect your privacy. Its a ritual.<br />
4) They wake up to eat or because they are uncomfortable, you that even if legions of mosquitoes bite you,you no go wake,you be baby?<br />
5) Watch 3 Idiots.<br />
<br />
Didi, don't ever compare your troubles to mine, you hear!<br />
I'm passing the award to the following.<br />
Yellow SiSi Unspoken.<br />
MsJB<br />
LadyNgo<br />
And whoever is interested.<br />
Just one question! Money or Love?<br />
Xoxo!<br />
gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-68035572997116677502013-03-19T13:46:00.000-07:002013-03-19T13:56:48.854-07:00EXCERPTS. The dusty black maria pulled over roughly at the front of the Ikot Akpan Abia police station. Ini was jolted out of her sleep as tires screeched and doors opened rapidly. She couldn’t believe she had slept, when was the last time she slept? She heard the police officer that had taken her from the court giving orders to someone about receiving the new inmate and treating her with care. She was the new inmate. She understood why she should be treated with care. She was a highly classified criminal. She had been blindfolded from court and didn’t know where she was. She felt tears nibbling at the corner of her eyes but she held herself. If tears could save, she would have gotten freedom to last her through eternity and the next. <br />
<br />
“Get down!!!’’ her thoughts were short-lived by the thunderous voice that barked at her. Her body shook at the voice.<br />
She took a deep breath and tried to move. ‘’I can’t see” she said firmly.<br />
‘’oh!” the thunderous voice said with a sigh.<br />
<br />
The owner of the voice dragged her by the arm out of the car and shut the door. She smiled. Everyone shoved her about lately. The sharp rays of the sun blinded her as the dark cloth was removed from her eyes. She tried to raise her left hand to shield a bit of the sun and she realized it was chained. She shut her eyes firmly and allowed the officer to lead her inside the prison. She opened her eyes as they got to the door of the building. Two female wardens stood in guard uniforms and nodded at her, their faces were as cold as the walls of the prison. She was led to an office. A slim frail figure sat in a big chair behind an even bigger desk. Thunderous voice saluted the frail figure.<br />
<br />
“Good evening sir” he said in a thunderous voice.<br />
‘’Sergeant Martins, Good evening, is this Iniobong Ekanem, the new inmate sentenced from the federal court?” he asked without looking up as he went through some files.<br />
<br />
“Yes sir, she is” <br />
“Ah!! Here’s her file” he said as though he didn’t hear the sergeant’s reply. “Iniobong Ekanem, charged for murder and sentenced to do life here”. He said slowly as he raised his face for the first time and his eyes fell on Iniobong. His face lost its stern glee and he removed his glasses slowly as he stared at her. A common habit with every new inmate. <br />
“Yes sir, she is’’ the sergeant answered again and he seemed not to hear. He slowly wore his glasses again, looked into the file and studied it for a few seconds.<br />
“Take her to cell 6”. <br />
The words hit Iniobong on the ear with a loud clank. She couldn’t hold herself again. She let the tears flow slowly down her cheeks as she shut her eyes firmly and smiled.<br />
‘’Sentenced to life imprisonment”. The words of the judge rang in her ears. She put her head down and smiled. She wasn’t going to cry. Not anymore. These people won’t see how defeated she was and how helpless. No more tears. Tears poured out of her eyes like torrential rainfall on a cold morning. A dark piece of clothing was placed on her eyes, she was grabbed by her arm that had been handcuffed to her back and led to the black maria outside. As she walked slowly, the fetters on her feet dragged across the concrete floor and she let her ears enjoy the noise. She heaved gently as she was pushed into the back seat of the car. She would try to sleep that night she told herself.<br />
<br />
“Step inside” Thunder voice said. Her thoughts were jolted again. He had removed the fetters from her feet and the cuffs from her wrist. She rubbed her wrist gently, heaved heavily and then turned, looked into his eyes and said thank you, gently.<br />
Sergeant Martins was speechless. No prisoner ever greeted him or even said thank you. Some even tried to start a fight with him. He simply nodded and allowed her walked into the cell. He locked the metal protectors and stood there briefly to watch her next actions. His regular habit with every inmate he locked up. He will never forget what he saw. <br />
Ini took her time as she stepped into the cell, she scanned the room that was going to be her house forever, taking in every bit of the tiny square dark room with a window at the side. She saw two female inmates grinning at her, they looked type B HIV patients, one said ‘’hi’’ to her as she rose from her 6 spring bed and that’s when it happened, the remaining pieces of Ini’s heart broke. She fell on her knees and let out a loud sorrowful song, tears streaming down massively from her eyes. As she sang she stretched slowly on the floor and wept uncontrollably with a loud voice. The words of the song could barely be heard as she wept and wailed. Unknown to her, Sgt Martins, the frail stern figure at the desk and other wardens gathered by the front of her cell and watched shockingly as she cried and sang. They had never seen such act. Other prison inmates stood behind their bars trying to peep at where the intrusion came from without much luck.<br />
‘’Na this guilty ones dey cry pass’’ the inmate in cell 8 said. Her colleague laughed.<br />
‘’Cobra stop oh, this one is really crushed”<br />
<br />
“Aren’t we always really crushed” she replied rolling her eyes.<br />
“Lucifer is by her door”. Her mate said to her.<br />
Cobra as she was called jumped immediately. “you mean, Luci dey for her door”?<br />
“Come and see for yourself”<br />
They struggled to poke their heads from the iron bars to no avail and they turned and gave each other a knowing look, this was no ordinary prisoner.<br />
<br />
<br />
gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-85837934131704367862013-03-10T17:04:00.000-07:002013-03-10T17:05:47.960-07:00Ranterters.<br />
Hello people, been a while! Who else has realized that its more difficult to blog when you’re idle than when busy? I know sey una no go gree but I’ve realized it.<br />
<br />
Anyway, a lot has been happening oh. There was one time “SEX IN RELATIONSHIPS” was trending, bitches where like “you can’t be in a relationship and not have sex”, and novices were calling bitches hoes.<br />
<br />
I wanted to blog about it but no time, because when you finish talking the binch will still go and have coitus and the novice will still be preaching “waiting for the right time”. Me, I’m in between oh *blinks lashes*. I no be binch, I no be novice, as a matter of fact, I’m not waiting for the right time or man, me the thought of sex scares me, I’m not ready for it capish!!! I will not go down low until my mind is set. That is my own. So binches keep binching and novice abeg shift.<br />
<br />
P.S No offence to the word *binch* oh!<br />
<br />
That aside ehn, you see that dream Toin had, it happened to me. I just wish it was with Channing tatum, the man I truly love and won’t mind being his baby mama for free. It was with Davido!!! *shedding river tears*. Someone should hand me bullet, I have a gun! Omo baba lowo, that jumping chicken, I dreamt about him. I went to his house and he was half dressed and drinking whiskey, then we gisted about the weirdest shit ever. Frogs. I can’t even remember what we said. Then he offered to drop me at home with his Lamborghini and I hopped inside sharp sharp. When he got to my house, we played video games and I woke up very angry. Any Joseph on here? Help a sister.<br />
<br />
To what I wanted to blog about…. Serial kisser(part 2) girls I’ve kissed, I will postpone it sha. My hands are paining me and there is one Iya something here to massage my mum and I need the off-spa massage too. So na my next post be that. I have kissed 4 girls in my entire existence, wait I think its 6 oh! I am not a lesbian but I like me some eye raising adventures and trips (not journey). So I will let you on that one later.<br />
<br />
FYI, girls kiss better than guys. Forget every other story, na prof dey tell you this one. No go cause wahala oh, but if you kiss a good kisser that is a girl, you have little work to do. You will have a full course meal in one kiss and you will be wondering why your guy no kiss you like this sha.<br />
Ok bye bye. Later. Before you people will say Gretel has caused ahem!<br />
<br />
P.S. if you are in Uyo, be at the cinema 11-2pm tomorrow and Tuesday! Your bill is on me! Spread the news. Kisses. #teamflowergirl whether you like the movie or not! Chuks is my love and I’m proving it to him. :P:P:P.<br />
<br />
Didi, I’m missing you. And Ginger <3. Bisou!gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-48939141400206421482013-02-03T15:03:00.001-08:002013-02-03T15:03:16.976-08:00Resolutions and birthday.I decided to make resolutions after I read Cece's resolution on @Tomboxe's blog! Tomboxe also sent me a song that completely crushed me and made me think of life. "Another Love". I cried that night bitterly.<br />
So, this year I plan to do everything to my advantage. I will try to kick bad habits and stay at home more. I plan to be a better daughter,sister,friend and blogger and also to be a loner. I'm raising my standards so high and be less of a people pleaser. I want to work on my spirituality and have better relationships. I want to be a loner and not be caught up in people's drama. I plan to travel as much as I can and enjoy my alone life. I plan to take less picture and just admire myself inwardly. I plan not to buy any more shoes this year. I plan to develop my innate abilities and be a bit more professional. I want to find real love, the one that comes with deep emotions and romance. Deeper than any physical. Thing. I want to want someone who wants me back. Someone who wants the world to know we are together, someone who can't stand being away from me. Someone who pushes me to be the best. I want to be more personal than public and have a life I can recall. So help me Allah.<br />
<br />
Its my brother's birthday. My only sibling! I remember when he slapped me and I remember when he apologized. He sent me a text yesterday telling me he misses being pushed around by me and tears rolled down my eyes! I wish him love and a great life. And I wish that one day we'll be the only two left in this world! Happy birthday @9jafirstborn! Love you in death.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4jVxc8lC5_iiKIJ7jgizXJfSgfsoiGFLJC_vs0D5WKSuFws3KHGdEByRWROjbPImUSPZ1sG2wWd6Anfo2TDb7B9LaEDHo5HebiKmw9dlE9oDxWtZu67cyaZ1__KuxMEHYXxFc5Z28Ieo/s1600/_NG_9ja%252520first%252520born_NG_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4jVxc8lC5_iiKIJ7jgizXJfSgfsoiGFLJC_vs0D5WKSuFws3KHGdEByRWROjbPImUSPZ1sG2wWd6Anfo2TDb7B9LaEDHo5HebiKmw9dlE9oDxWtZu67cyaZ1__KuxMEHYXxFc5Z28Ieo/s320/_NG_9ja%252520first%252520born_NG_.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLX2VJICaHhq71GupQW3q9z5cxhOTVKC5XFyz_HKQtBwv48H6RPUE2qllYy8OOK76ucWAvgySug7m5uEOuqyf7yf4p64JK9NM-VTtWaLoreKC4ruqjhqWRJjxQUdUMqYfcUtNFAQNPZZM/s1600/IMG-20121225-01475.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLX2VJICaHhq71GupQW3q9z5cxhOTVKC5XFyz_HKQtBwv48H6RPUE2qllYy8OOK76ucWAvgySug7m5uEOuqyf7yf4p64JK9NM-VTtWaLoreKC4ruqjhqWRJjxQUdUMqYfcUtNFAQNPZZM/s320/IMG-20121225-01475.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWaDKC5dk02dXxrFixLV1V7Ry7BwwqfIenud7yg2czMI4ym9iQh9lP2kU02AtistM5_Z4snnRvtFp4VlS65ydN9Hjzm7in8UM78xI-KeaXv-Fwcsad74ZRkD64ddtMuNj2yU7VJdOJBbo/s1600/IMG-20121225-01477.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWaDKC5dk02dXxrFixLV1V7Ry7BwwqfIenud7yg2czMI4ym9iQh9lP2kU02AtistM5_Z4snnRvtFp4VlS65ydN9Hjzm7in8UM78xI-KeaXv-Fwcsad74ZRkD64ddtMuNj2yU7VJdOJBbo/s320/IMG-20121225-01477.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdsxAqk8PuCwi-_AoqigZCze4EHk2XNpALsfTZtvsHLua3IR4rg94sqJqtraze3YpPWOEFXqcORMzcSn7IyDFhDtfQlwhyHHnfdq-lkKkv0fHtcctW4aQhTjbZgoAbcLx_ZU0nIGgzfRQ/s1600/IMG-20130110-00069.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdsxAqk8PuCwi-_AoqigZCze4EHk2XNpALsfTZtvsHLua3IR4rg94sqJqtraze3YpPWOEFXqcORMzcSn7IyDFhDtfQlwhyHHnfdq-lkKkv0fHtcctW4aQhTjbZgoAbcLx_ZU0nIGgzfRQ/s320/IMG-20130110-00069.jpg" /></a></div>gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-69733361755956932152013-01-12T09:35:00.000-08:002013-01-12T09:36:52.561-08:00Greetings in the name of .....Compliments!<br />
I trust that all of you are doing well.<br />
I miss a lot of people but I'll stay true to myself not to talk much!<br />
10 weeks of therapy has done a lot to me! From a vibrant lively girl to a serious melancholy (whatever that means)! I said I won't talk about therapy!<br />
Mine wasn't the worst in the world even though my Dr made it seemed so, but I ate lots of plantain porridge which is what I wanted!<br />
<br />
My life has changed! I am no longer battling depression, I just let it consume me and go away when it finishes, I am battling insomnia! The very chronic type! I never saw that shii like this but I'll tell you,its crazy,nobody even believes me,when I say I've not slept for more than 2 hours in 4 months! Pills have defied this one oh!<br />
<br />
Yes! Ebila the great :*! Uchenna :*:*! Priscyworld :*:*:*! Kimberly of 7 deadly poets....I love you!<br />
Toin,Myne, I miss you much, and Ginger my sister,much love! Didi :):*! LDP...no kiSs oh,you're married!<br />
<br />
Sugarspring <3 and MsJB...I miss you!<br />
Who else? :*:* share that one!<br />
<br />
P.S. I just downloaded @seunodukoya's e-book,its incredible.<br />
P.S(2) I will write about the girls I've kissed! Its also incredible.<br />
P.S(3) what??? *shines eyes* excerpts from my novel, yes my novel!<br />
P.S(4) I need to stop sampling good kissers! Ok,that's actually my new year resolution which so far ain't working!<br />
5) If you ever thought I was crazy...na you dey craze! JK!<br />
#Bless!gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-34037166154654573852012-12-02T15:27:00.002-08:002012-12-02T15:27:40.222-08:00REHAB.I stared at the white and brown ceilings above my head. the halogen bulb kept blinking in slow successions and some tiny insects danced around it.<br />
<br />
"waap" one fell on my arm. I slapped it and hissed. I switched off the light.<br />
<br />
Janet snored gently. I liked the sound. It reminds me of me. The fan went gently and gave a hum of a popular chorus. I hummed along, smiling. Tears trickled down the sides of me eyes as I hummed. Tears of..... I don't know.<br />
<br />
I was 9 years old, I peed on my bed, someone slapped me and slapped again, then dragged me outside. "Stupid child who still messes the bed at your age?" More slaps. I woke up, it was dark couldn't see who. I slept on the balcony.<br />
<br />
I was 12 years old. Cousin came for weekend and saturday night as I showered, he peeped from the window. Later he came to my room naked. I screamed and he ran out. I was denied food for 2 days for lying on him.<br />
<br />
I was 16!!!! I was suspended from school for having a phone, insulting a teacher and having love letters. I was sent to my Grandma's house (not in a village). That suspension gave me my best friend. Grandma!!! 3 weeks of love, play, harmony and understanding. I never wanted to go. <br />
<br />
I was 17. My best friend died, Grandma.<br />
<br />
I was 19. I was evil.<br />
<br />
I was twenty one... I wanted another best friend.<br />
<br />
I am 22, I've found none.<br />
<br />
I am.... "hey hey..." Janet shook me, why are you singing and crying?<br />
<br />
I opened my eyes, 3 pairs of eyes stared curiously into my face.<br />
<br />
"was I loud?'' I asked calmy.<br />
"hmmmm.... you were screaming, do you ever sleep at all?"<br />
<br />
I heaved. I will never sleep at night. I have chronic insomnia and something in my mind was making things hard. I know what it is and I won't say it. The doctor has done her job.<br />
<br />
**************************************gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-83620825035276860272012-10-16T05:39:00.001-07:002012-10-16T05:39:29.828-07:00HADES.I want to thank everyone that looked out for me as a result of my last post. Every comment gave me one more reason to smile,to hope,to live,to EAT,ESPECIALLY TO EAT.<br />
Toin... I can't thank you enough, your friends are really lucky.YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON,TO EVERY WORD OF IT. LOVE.<br />
<br />
Thanks Luciano,I felt really special reading your comment,it was a huge relief.<br />
<br />
@9jagreat.. you may not know it but you lifted my spirits, I know I was a bit difficult,but thanks for pressing on,I really appreciate you. hey...its nice to have you as a friend. :)<br />
<br />
Sugarspring.... thanks for that comment, I was so encouraged and felt better. God bless you.<br />
<br />
MsJB, your comment surprised me,owing to how we parted ways and even though I had said I wouldn't have any deal with you, I think your comment completely broke me, I want to say,I'm sorry for that uproar I caused and I was more than happy to see your comment, I cried sweetly and i will get back to you. Thanks a lot. LOVE.<br />
<br />
Ginger.... thanks so much,you sounded like the elder sister I have never had and I knew immediately that you cared, thanks for your prayers and concern, your comment was heartfelt and I appreciate you.<br />
<br />
@Tamie... thanks for the care and the shoulder, I appreciate you. God bless you.<br />
<br />
Finally... Didi, I don't know what I would have done at this time without you, you know you are incredible,right?? I can't say it enough but you're a life saver.You scooped me from shit...right on time. In summary, I love you too,more than I can say it *kisses and more kisses*<br />
<br />
WHEW... I may not blog in a while,some months or so. I have a problem and I don't know, Didi has been trying to help and it's working,he has helped me to improve and I recommend him anytime. I hate what I'm going through and how I feel, and before I die in the midst of plenty... I have secured a therapist..yes, I am undergoing therapy. My parents don't know YET, (I HOPE). I won't share my experiences or therapy sessions(I've had 2) but I will say if I'm better.<br />
<br />
Thanks to all that care... XoxO!<br />
<br />
DIDI.... #MUAH<br />
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gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-11952543490908754502012-10-09T07:07:00.000-07:002012-10-09T07:07:18.463-07:00RAMBLINGS.Sometimes I feel very vain and useless,nothing causes the feeling, I just sit down and allow depression to deal with me. I'm a crier. I cry at everything but I'm not vulnerable, I still think when I'm crying, I even think better. This is one of those moments when I feel really vain. I have been crying all through the weekend and over, my eyes look like I have bags of rice in them but I don't care, I'm very edgy and raw and everything is making me cry.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know the problem, I have nobody to talk to or trust, I have nobody to share my feelings with, I'm scared of everything,everybody. I remove my mask at night after trying all day to be smiley and I cry bitterly. No, I am not lonely, I am depressed.<br />
<br />
I don't have a boyfriend, actually, I don't want a boyfriend.<br />
<br />
I think of so many things at the same time and I keep trying to find what my problem is, I just feel vain.<br />
I'm not broke, I try not to be, I am very hungry, I haven't eaten for 2 days, ok, I had a bottle of malt yesterday and that was it, I am so weak and fragile and I miss my mother and brother. I also miss my daddy. *crying*.<br />
<br />
I have finished 2 boxes of kleenex since last night. I have talked to myself in the mirror, I have prayed and tried to sleep, I feel like I am dying.<br />
<br />
I am not lonely, I am depressed.<br />
<br />
My Ex called me last night. I wasn't happy to talk to him but I did. He knows I'm undergoing a rough phase. He reminded me of how I use to look into his eyes and say before you give up, buy me a dress, and he'll love me for that and all over and brim all over again.<br />
<br />
I cried when he was talking and i just felt like slipping into a grave and remaining there.<br />
<br />
Nothing means anything to me... I think so.<br />
<br />
I have only one friend, but she has other priorities, I think I need to give her space. She comes back when she thinks I'm angry. *shrugs*<br />
<br />
I need someone I can talk to,expose all my life to,play with,laugh with, quarel with and get back with, and feel very safe.<br />
<br />
THERE IS NO SUCH PERSON.<br />
<br />
So, I'll wallow in misery and depression until I can come around again. If you have a FRIEND, I mean a friend in every word of it, not friend because that's what you can call him or her, I mean a friend friend, please cherish him/her. <br />
<br />
Ok, its not about if I don't have friend or friends, I just want to stop crying, I want to get food and eat, I'm very hungry, I repeat, I'm very hungry and I am depressed. Nothing means anything to me and I feel I've gotten to that point that vainess overwhelms me. I should take a long last breathe.<br />
<br />
I want to stop crying. I want to be a lawyer. So I have something to live on for.<br />
<br />
I have lost everything.<br />
<br />
I want a shoulder I will cry on for 2 hours and sleep and say nothing and wake up to a big plate of plantain porridge and shredded chicken and bottle of smothies,cry gain and sleep.<br />
<br />
THERE IS NO SUCH SHOULDER.gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-37716246580148675302012-08-15T08:10:00.001-07:002012-08-15T08:28:31.263-07:00The Nigerian "god".Saw this on @Dianah"s blog and decided to share before I write the 2nd sequel of kissing spree. You can also view it here http://www.dianahsplace.com/2012/08/the-nigerian-godsad-but-true.html<br />
<br />
<br />
I found it kind of funny but true,please read and share too.<br />
<br />
please it doesn't talk about Jehovah,the Great God oh<br />
<br />
<br />
The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.<br />
This article is for all those who want to become better worshippers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.<br />
<br />
First, you must understand that being a worshipper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.<br />
<br />
When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.<br />
<br />
When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.<br />
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Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.<br />
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Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.<br />
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The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?<br />
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The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.<br />
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The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.<br />
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If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.<br />
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The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.<br />
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These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.<br />
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In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle.<br />
-Anonymous <br />
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xo...gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-44923724556559004962012-07-26T08:52:00.000-07:002012-07-26T08:58:09.745-07:00KISSING SPREE..Hello my people, long time here, hope you're all fine, I know you're not missing me, well I don't miss you too :p..<br />
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To the business of the day, some of you know how much I like kissing....oh yea, SERIAL KISSER....as much as I'm not proud of it, I've learnt a lot... so this post is about guys/men I've kissed and the manner.<br />
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Names are replaced with letters.<br />
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Mr A...This one was a first time kiss, his tongue,gums,lips and jaws reached my throat...saliva was everywhere and at some point I was like, can someone get AIDS through kissing?<br />
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Mr B...This one....halitosis,...I don't know if he hadn't brushed his mouth that day but it seemed like he has never seen a toothbrush.....he tasted like odara....sorry,make that Cabai...that stuff used for killing snakes, I don't even know the taste, that's what came into my mind. I couldn't eat that day.<br />
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Mr E... This one was a shark!!!! my poor tilapia mouth suffered, I was gasping for air, it was like nails were puncturing my mouth, People, I cried. this was a near death experience.<br />
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Mr S.... I'm tempted to mention his name oh SA.... This idiot ate Suya and yahooza before kissing me, all my lips were on fire and he didn't let go for 10 full minutes... for that whole night...my lips were red.<br />
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Mr V...<strike>VICTOR</strike>....this one is a Vampire...as in literally...I swear, I spat blood later.... I had to ask him if he was doing assignment.<br />
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Mr S also ate pepper soup to kiss me once oh....the guy likes pepper.<br />
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Another Mr A.... I vomitted.. He ate garlic! Help me say Ew...he is a good kisser but I threw up. GARLIC...God forgive him.<br />
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Mr I... I thought I kissed an angel....I did littlke, he did most of the work...that one they call *lips massage* unforgettable!!!<br />
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The one that kept saying don't stop pleaseeee...at the Cinema...people were giggling....shame hasn't been greater, for just kiss oh.<br />
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My Ex... he was amazing....I could kiss him for hours.<br />
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my Bff....Let me mention him, EE, he was the best!!!! I would like to describe it but I don't want to miss him. His saliva taste like honey! I'm not kidding>>>you could put it in bread and eat....ha!!!<br />
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Then the normal ones....boring kisses...after 5 mins,game is up, the ones tht want to pray before they kiss are the most annoying, breathing hard and calling *Lord* and I even laughed out one time so, dude said I was mocking him.<br />
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Mr O.....this one na Cat...his beards scratched my face...seriously.<br />
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This is all I can remember, there'll be vol 2.<br />
Please oh...I don't go below the belt..its B.. figure that out :p<br />
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Anybody wanna share? :d<br />
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I will do anything to kiss Channing Tatum...just kiss, I don't want to get over him...any help?<br />
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Love all of you....special kisses from the serial killer...sorry kisser.<br />
XoXogretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-66994138725825754342012-06-05T05:02:00.004-07:002012-06-05T05:02:44.658-07:00REST IN PEACE.I didn't want to join the trend on the DANA airline crash, everyone has something to say or write but when I saw the manifest and I saw "Iniobong Asuquo" and "Farida Kaikai" on it, I thought I was dreaming, I have been crying like hell, Ini was the only daughter of her parents and just finished NYSC, she was a student of MONEF sch,1998, and FGGC Ikot Obio Itong, beautiful girl, we went to see her mother here and the sight of the woman hugging her daughter's clothes and photos just tore me apart. Pain has never been great.<br />
Farida....hm.... wanted to put her pix here but let me leave it, public relations officer at Aso savings and loans, she worked with my cousin and I didn't really know her,the little I know, she was annoying at times but fun to be with, I personally used to call her kai kai, sure you know what it means, beautiful, single lady...<br />
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I have cried for Ini and for those air hostess that just went to do their daily jobs. And Ini, we will always remember you, your beauty, warmth, smile, great taste of everything and humility... Rest in peace in God's bossom, sleep on darling.<br />
Farida..... Rest in peace.<br />
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May God grant your families the fortitude to bear this irreplaceable loss.<br />
Adieugretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-41705555269647827382012-05-17T03:27:00.000-07:002012-05-17T03:27:44.529-07:00THANKS<br />
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I didn't plan to blog in a very long while but I want to thank http://didis-view.blogspot.com/ for this award, this is my first award since I started blogging and I want to thank Didi for it. He buzzed me up somewhere ;) that he had tagged me. Thanks muchos.<br />
I'm sorry I have to break the rules. I'm passing this award to my very dear friend, Kimberly Valerie,http://sevendeadlypoets.blogspot.com Miss you <br />
Bisouxxxgretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-17694006016280068772012-04-19T23:28:00.002-07:002012-04-19T23:36:16.733-07:00Hi sweetheartssss and darlingssss, as usual I don’t even know where to start!!! I’ll be brief. It has been a marathon of things. I have been caught up in a web of what I can’t even describe but in summary “NYSC” and whew……this stuff is crazy. I’ll be back soon sha!!!<br />
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this post is just to tell God thank you for one more year *tears*, I look at my life and I quietly whisper to myself “Gret baby, you don’t deserve this measure of love” but God looks at me and says “Baby, shhh….don’t say that, you deserve more than this”. I know God reads my blog, sometimes he laughs sometimes he frowns, sometimes he rolls his eyes and says whaaaat, sometimes he wonders why I even blog even though he won’t say so and I know he’s reading this one and wondering what I’m upto. <br />
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Dear Jesus,<br />
Thank you for this undeserving life you gave me, I know you’ve said I shouldn’t say so but I can’t remember what I’ve done to eschew such massive love from you. <br />
Thank you for one more year… thank you for speaking to me in many more ways than I can imagine, thank you for delivering me from the claws of death, thank you for always having my back even when I disobey you, thank you for making me realize that only you can give me the love I want, thank you for taking me higher even when I felt I was high enough, thank you for small achievements, thank you for lessons I’ve learnt, thank you for corrections and hugs and warmth and kisses, thank you for talents, thank you for a kind heart, thank you for making me special, thank you for hymns at night and lines to go on with…..yes, that dream you gave me gave me one more chapter, I didn’t even know you were reading my poem oh, thank for laughing when I’m silly and pulling my ears when I get naughty, the other day, I was so lonely, I almost accepted Austin’s proposal, I felt so happy to say YES but you made Aunty Ekaette call almost immediately and remind me of how special I was and how much she loves me, she even bought a new perfume for me, I knew that was you telling me “my baby, I’m always with thinking of you, you don’t need Austin, not now, not ever” ahhh…..you thought I wouldn’t know, the other Sunday, I went to church in a hurry and wanted to leave in a hurry but you used the testimony of that man to keep me because you had something to tell me, you told me I was amazing and you told me I was your child, I cried so hard, I thought I’d look ugly but you know what you put on my face, everybody said I was too beautiful, on Friday the 13th you saved me from a ghastly accident and even though we joked about it and said Friday the 13th so many times, I knew you had saved my life even though I was coming back from a club, thank you for always making me remember to pray, thank you for making my little efforts sooo outstanding, thank you for making me a woman so I’d appreciate your love better…. <br />
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thank you for understanding me enough, thank you for chasing away evil when I take the wrong way. I could go on and on and you know I would…..thanks bestie for life.<br />
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Thank you for 21 years of life.<br />
Your amicable daughter.<br />
XXX.<br />
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Dear readers, I have a song will like to post here but can't, please any idea how to will be appreciated. thanks<br />
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P.S Does anybody have an idea on how to stop excessive crying? My tear glands are out of this world oh. :D <br />
I love you all….muah!!!gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-46369896710698454322012-02-14T00:51:00.000-08:002012-02-14T00:51:39.133-08:00CAUTIONED AND GROOMED!!!Ermm….*ignores cobwebs* Hello bloggers…..I know…..”where the hell has she been”? Hey…no form Rambo for there oh, I know you missed me and you were worried about me sef and sincerely, I missed everyone too. Ok, I didn’t miss MsJB a.k.a @JanylBenyl and Didi a.k.a @itsDiDi, these 2 wannabes lovers??? I didn’t miss them. Please before I continue, follow on twitter @Ameikpe, that’s if you don’t want me to be missing you oh :D. (let me wait for those two to start wagging their tongues).<br />
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So many things have been happening, even blogger don change format, na so…I wan log in, I saw *forgotten your password? Click here* I clicked…2 days before I could see my blog and that’s my excuse for being away, I forgot my password!!! And also,I am working on my books—a novel and an anthology, I know all of you know what that means, I never knew till I joined NaijaStories and I’m heading back there soon.<br />
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As some of you know, my life is a dramatic whirlwind and I manage to make people feel the breeze but I didn’t expect what happened last week. I was invited to do a poem at a big man’s birthday in my state, flights tickets and other deals were covered, yes, I’m a celeb :p. my dear momma bought me one of the hottest dresses I had ever had a chance to set eyes on, a God-knows-it’s hot RIVER ISLAND black and maroon dress, I wore one of these over coloured shoes from China, very cheap but very high and that’s what I was after oh, did my hair at B&B at Abj and felt like Glo then I went to present the poem.<br />
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The birthday was dry, to be candid, he’s a clergy man, a Bishop but mehn it was over-dry, kids presented 2 songs, loads of political talks and book launch, opening of so and so foundation, one terrible sleepy over-weight igbo lady singer ruined the evening, ohh choir did a presentation and I did my poem when the “party” was almost over and one of my fav artist “PAT AKPABIO” from my state did a song.<br />
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By Tuesday evening, my mum called me and said “don’t sleep till I come back”. Of course I slept, mumy’s meetings finishes by 2am and I wasn’t in a club jor. Well, she came back and said something was up.<br />
Apparently, the man clocked 50, my poems for 50 years are usually humorous and a very funny, I’d post one soon but in the spirit of writing I wrote this line<br />
From “Ambi,let’s go upstairs and make passionate love” it will be “ambi, you know there’s no lift in this house, I can’t do stairs and passion, please choose one” If you don’t understand that bit…well, ask me.<br />
Brothers and sisters, no, sisters and brothers, that line got me into trouble. The chairman of the planning committee of the birthday wanted to see me urgently, people were calling in and out asking who the hell I was to write such rubbish…Imagine, call a poem I wrote in 6 hours rubbish…Make God punish that man sef…mtchew!!! Some people said that it was too sensitive-agreed, some said it was too insolent-HOW? Some said I was too bold-agreed, some said I was stupid and insultive-??? Some said that it meant I want to make passionate love to him-AGREEDDDDD…mehn, I heard so many things, when my mum told me all of these, I started crying, yes oh,I cry a lot, a whole lot, I’m that cute. The chairman had called her along with others and they tabled my poem…I could imagine my mum on that table and tears flowed from my eyes, the next 3 days were crazy. My number leaked!!! I had 32 messages in one day telling me of how mannerless I was. Let’s not talk about calls. My mum kept saying “baby…calm down,good writers face criticisms and you should always expect this”. Please, if you want to criticize me, go to the dailies.. PUNCH, VANGUARD, THE SUN, TRIBUNE, NEW YORK TIMES, LONDON TIMES, OK MAGAZINES, SPANISH TV, CNN, LTV, SILVERBIRD, E! ….. don’t call my line!!!<br />
I felt like buying a gun. In all these turmoil, my daddy wasn’t even aware, and I couldn’t tell him. He kept asking why my phones were ringing all the time and I was like people are appreciating the poem. You’d like to know, for my dad, there’s only one solution to every problem- FIGHT. The winner of the fight leads the way. So, I couldn’t talk to him.<br />
What made me feel really bad was, the celebrant didn’t even pick my calls and he’s my God-father, I felt so terrible, I mean, we gist and talk and laugh everyday and then you are angry with me and you won’t even tell me? I cried again.<br />
Friday morning, I couldn’t stand that anymore, I left for abj, in the evening, my mummy called to say The chairman came to see me but I had left for the airport, she said I needed to be cautioned and groomed… I couldn’t believe it, cautioned and groomed…at that instant, my head torched.<br />
I picked up my phone, called one of my people and I arranged to go back home, I was angry. Get this, for every person that called and sounded diplomatic with me, I apologized honestly and sincerely, I was ready to take full responsibility for the effects of that night, the poem presentation was one of the very few entertainments and I was responsible for any uproar but please, calling me names?<br />
Well, I did something I don’t usually do when in crisis, I prayed!! And I cried. It hurt me to be in the center of another storm, I’ve had enough in this my 22 years on earth and I needed calm. I felt better. I cancelled my flight schedule and I told my mum to tell them I was sorry.<br />
Sunday evening, my mum called to say, I was part of the message being preached, my ex called and said his phone has been bombarded with calls. I couldn’t imagine how he felt, I sincerely wished I had told my daddy, even if he would fight and kill.<br />
I still don’t understand what goes through some people’s head, it seems to me that people wake up with this evil intention in their hearts and they start scheming Rambo, the people criticizing have never read any literature book, the only poem they know is the first stanza of *twinkle, twinkle, little star* and if the poem *my mother* hadn’t been put in a song they wouldn’t know it but they run their mouth and I knew the reason, that line was sexual, tell me who know about sex? What’s the ish in it anyway? I mean *passionate love* cause all these oh? Yes, the deputy governor as there, yes, the wife of the SSG which is a friend to my mummy was there, yes arch bishops and all of them were there? Don’t they have passionate love with their spouses even if it’s the old school way? Ok, I shouldn’t have said that because it was a religious party, wth is that anyway?<br />
Well, things are getting calm now and I’ve learnt a lot: GOOD WRITERS WILL ALWAYS FACE CRITICISMS. I think I’m ready for that phase of my life.<br />
That picture up there…that’s the man I did the poem for, he’s my God-father and I LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY.<br />
Good to be back….bisou. happy valentine.gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-21731925112881436222011-12-16T05:59:00.000-08:002011-12-16T06:21:23.357-08:00NO TITLE.Umm…I don’t even know where to start oh but I’m going to start. I feel like stopping now sef…there’s so much to write and say but….no…it’s not writer’s block, I had a fabulous convocation, that’s where the problem started…I got extremely busy, then NYSC came up, lemme not go into details of that 3 weeks but It was miserable, I was posted to Kubwa camp, F.C.T.. mehn I dunno what to say, I sprained my ankle day 1, my body reacted to the water by day 3 and stuff came out all over my body. My nose started bleeding from Day 5 till I left…thanks to the harsh weather conditions, my dad came every Sunday to see me and I wasn’t ashamed of it, I claimed foreign trained so imagine the rest…I was the most popular in my hostel thanks to my noisy and big mouth, so tey they planned to beat me up, I had loadz of boy friends including soldiers and God forgive you dear reader if you dare to even think otherwise, if you’ve heard of Mr Macho…yea..that sexy stuff with their ground nut oiled body, I made sure the winners carried me :D I think that is the only time I can say I was happy in camp, I went ofr drill only twice and was talking with my parents till they seized my phone, I tried the slow march once and oops went down…yea down. Ok..it wasn’t so bad, I danced a lot at mammy market and incurred so many hard dicks begging for entry…*yuck* it was really funny feeling something at my bum and I’m like what’s that with my eyes popping..then I’ll move to the next person :D… I didn’t drink any alcohol, I paid 2k not to smoke, I was dared….I sha took a drag on last night, I kissed 4 guys *hides face* but you know I’m a serial kisser nah, 2 lesbos asked me out, one of them gave me 10k for my drinks one night so, I was always cladded in black bum pant and a white top crested with DADDY’S GIRL or AME…yea yea, I had male friends that had cars oh…no trekking or standing in the sun, I avoided queue like crazy….the only thing I used my cash for was pictures and bribing people to get what I need faster….guys took care of food and drinks and other orishirishi….lemme stop there…if you think I had fun, I didn’t..I was more than happy to go.<br />
Pix of my convocation…I really felt loved….really loved,my parents made me so proud and so happy, my dad did the most remarkable thing for me, my mum made me travel to shop, na convocation we yarn oh, wedding go toh badt,my brother came all the way from abroad for that Saturday party ehn…my ex..yes ex…was so amazing, he really helped…oya e don do<br />
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please,I hope it's not too muh oh...I don't even know if the pix would show,me I no sabi how to upload,teach me abeg...love you guys plenty and I'm back....bisougretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8003155874129053819.post-62276383598285530142011-09-19T17:31:00.001-07:002011-09-19T17:31:20.877-07:00Don't get it twisted.Hello blogville *waving*,yes,it’s been a while, no apologies sha, I’m doing French programme and computer programme, only me, because my parents won’t let me travel and I can’t stay at home for so long waiting for NYSC, before idleness will make me do the unthinkable.<br />
It’s really hectic but well, God dey. I hail all of una wey too try and biko you can follow me on twitter @Ameikpe I think I’m more relevant there, Myne no be so??? Lol. <br />
Well, this one you are about to read is pure fiction, I’ve never been to that place, I just thought up something, if anybody dares to say “chei, Gretel too badt” well, *spraying pepper in your eye* you better don’t oh, anyway, enjoy.<br />
P.S. it took me loadz of courage to post this, I don’t want anybody thinking off, I don’t want to make another post explaining myself. THIS IS PURE FICTION.<br />
He took his last shot of whisky and another glass of stout and made another vow not to have any more drink for the night. When his sight has started playing tricks on him, he had said that was going to be his last drink, then everything seemed double or triple or was it quadruple and he was talking at the top of his voice, he kept swearing that was going to be his last drink. <br />
The day had been very hectic, stressful and even more annoying. His boss, he preferred to be called GM, embarrassed him before all the junior marketers, calling him all sorts of names all in the name of being “his boss”. He hadn’t done anything wrong, nothing at all, the man just despised him, he didn’t stop there, after smearing his face with shame, he sent on so many silly errands, just to further humiliate him. Jason couldn’t ask for more insults, he kept swearing and mumbling things for the rest of the day. At the close of work, he banged his door and left angrily, his face red and full blooded, he walked out with his mind juggling whether he would come to work the next day or that was his last day there. As he trekked towards the gate o pick a cab, Daniel, his colleague and his friend pulled over and picked him.<br />
They went to a nearby restaurant, placed their orders and chatted for a while about how nice the eatery was. Their food arrived and Jason went about on how unfair life was.<br />
He took his first spoon of rice and spat it, the food tasted like saw dust. He cursed and stared outside the window.<br />
“See ehn” Daniel said “ you don’t have to do this to yourself, we all have our bad day but you have o know how to handle it, if you keep working yourself out like this, you go break down oh”<br />
“Dan, why did it have to be me today, Adeniyi or whatever he calls himself , just sits his fat bum on a chair and thinks of who to use as his toy and his head tells him Jason”.<br />
Daniel giggled.<br />
“Nooo, what did I do wrong? Just tell me, what did I do?” Jason kept saying.<br />
“Jason, who authorized this cheque, Jason, where’s the I-cash folder, Jason who kept the sweet pack there, Jaso your trash can is full, Jason why didn’t you pick the customer line, Jason, Jason, Jasonnn” Jason said mimicking Mr. Adeniyi while Daniel kept laughing.<br />
“Wait” he continued “for Pete’s sake, am I a goddamn IT student, I mean, I—I don’t even sit on the counter oh” he heaved a sigh, stared out of the window while tapping his fingers on the table. <br />
“Calmmm down” Daniel said “it’s not that bad, see these things happen just to test you and-‘’<br />
“whoo whoo whoo” Jason cut in “test me? Wait, Dan, don’t go through all that sermon, don’t I already have enough temptations? What will happen tomorrow, he’ll test me again, what the hell is up?”<br />
“ok, guy, calm down, just think it through, you’ll be fine, ok?”<br />
Jason sighed and shook his head and kept cursing under his breath. “Dem no dey sell drink for here” he sniffed through his teeth.<br />
Dan laughed “so you want carry shaq kill am”<br />
“guy make we comot for here, I need a drink, let’s go down the road, abeg”.<br />
“Ok, fine, anything you want” Daniel kept laughing.<br />
Daniel finished his food and they went to “EVE”. The most renowned stripper’s club.<br />
Echoes of “move your body like a snake girl” could be heard outside. It started drizzling and soon small pellets of rain fell on the windscreen and together they made the sound of an approaching army.<br />
“Hmmm, here we are” Dan heaved. “you are sure you want to go in, I mean it’s raining, I could take you home”<br />
“Guy, the day is still young, aren’t you coming?”<br />
At the door, a young blonde with the cutest nips Jason had ever seen, ushered them in with a wink. His brain did a double flip but he told himself, he’s just here to grab a bottle.<br />
They found an empty seat close to the DJ, another half nude hottie and they sat. Daniel called out to the bartender, whisky, stout, vodka, the guy arrived and they got busy.<br />
“Mehnn, don’t you just like it here”? Jason asked screaming<br />
“Well, it’s not my kinda stuff but, yea, it’s cool”<br />
“C’monn, it’s for a change”<br />
“Yea, yea sure”<br />
“Another glass dude” Jason called out.<br />
A young blonde passed by, put her hands under her firm, full boobs and did a jiggie jiggie.<br />
Daniel laughed.<br />
“Mehn,see those tits, bad thing—you can’t touch”<br />
“Jason, Jason” someone called out.<br />
He turned and recognized the guy. “heyy, my man, what are you doing here?”<br />
Emma, his friend at church, cool dude and alla that.<br />
“Same thing you are doing here, what about your wife?”<br />
“Guy, abeggg, make I relax”<br />
Emma laughed, grabbed a seat and sat with them. He ordered for his drinks and they continued drinking.<br />
The room turns dim, everywhere becomes bright blue, visions become blurred.<br />
“Table for two” plays softly in the background. Nude girls with killer shapes and well-oiled skin drop from the poles in the bar. They tease and wrap their legs around the pole, extend it to the ceiling and reveal a little bit of their secret.<br />
“Shit” Dan called out “we should get out of here oh, we can’t even touch these babes.”<br />
“I can touch my wife” Jason replied and so can Emma”<br />
“uhum” Emma replied. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat as his trousers became tighter than before.<br />
Hottie drops from the pole, puts her finger into her mouth, takes a lick, walks up to Jason and touches his lips. His John Thomas responded immediately.<br />
“ahannn” he smirked.<br />
Dan was tempted to put his head on the table but he couldn’t afford to let these guys mock him. He crossed his leg to press his stuff as he felt it growing bigger and hotter. Wharrahell.<br />
Jason seemed composed, wasn’t he used to naked boobs dangling everywhere?<br />
“Shit, haha, mehnn, these girls are steamy” Emma whispered. 2 pairs of asses did a waist dance before him and swiftly bent over, then they turned and started kissing each other as passion overwhelmed them.<br />
Dan whimpered and slowly placed his hands on unconsciously Emma’s hips. Another pair of tits passed by his lips, slow enough for him to take a suck, he gave a loud moan and squeezed Emma’s dick. Emma let out a shrill, closed his eyes and stroked the back of Dan’s palm gently.<br />
Two hot demons climbed on their table, took a bottle of vodka and poured it sensuously from their necks as it dripped and covered every part of their body. The other knelt on the table and dipped her finger into her hole and slowly put it in Jason’s lips. Emma couldn’t hold it anymore, he unzipped and brought out his charged bull and began stroking it gently. Dan eyed him and slowly knelt down, grabbed Emma’s ball and shoved it completely into his mouth and began to suck.<br />
Emma shut his eyes and thanked his stars.<br />
“Damn it guys, damn it” Jason screamed but his voice was only a whisper compared to the now blaring music, he stood up to grab Dan but wet hottie pushed him back to his seat, slowly gets on her knees, unzips his trousers, dragged out his bull and gave the tip a soft bite.<br />
Jason shut his eyes, shivered, grinned and let out a soft moan. Was her mouth coated with warm caramel or the coldest Henessy in that fucken room? How on earth was she playing her way through this, I mean these chics aren’t supposed to screw anyone, but to the hell, this shawty is--- another soft bite. He dragged her hair and pulled her head downwards.<br />
Everywhere turned dark, the demon was sitting across him, working her tits in his mouth while riding his cock like a horse.<br />
“shit, shit, ahhh, whoo, whoo, yeaa, Stella, Stealla, jeez” Jason kept screaming.<br />
He grabbed her ass and squeezed it, this was the best day of his life.<br />
Fuck Adeniyi, fuck Dan, fuck Emma, fuck his bank, yea, his goddamn bank, fuck ‘em all, fuck them on this hottie.<br />
He couldn’t help it anymore, he started shouting and smacking the ass further, the chair gave way under them but none of them realized it, this demon just kept riding him nuts, he could imagine her boobs doing a wild dance in front of him. He grabbed her two legs up and started pounding into her, charging and screaming, he buried all of his balls into her.<br />
Fuck ‘em all, fuck you, fuck the bank, shit, Stella, fuck you, fuck you, Stella, Stellaaaa.<br />
He had ejaculated. He laid limp upon her.<br />
“Yes” he heard a soft whisper.<br />
He jumped up. “Dan, Emma, who is there?”<br />
“It’s Stella” The soft voice came up beside him.<br />
The lights came on, pierced through his eyes. Everywhere was upside down and seemed deserted, no Dan, no Emma, no DJ, no bartender, no other guest and few hotties lying naked around. Just him, then he turned and looked besides him, his wife Stella, sat there, grinning and smirking her lips.gretelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02721544297652862735noreply@blogger.com25